Migraines

As some of you know I’ve suffered chronic headaches for the last few years. Actually headache. It just never ended. In fact the last time I remember not having a headache was in May/June 2006 when I was in the hospital and forced to fast for a few days for tests.

Since then I’ve dealt with a steady headache that I would rate a 2 or 3 and then occasionally it would spike for a day or more ranging between 7-10. Usually once it gets past 7 everything is unbearable.

I’ve been dizzy, mentally unclear, unable to even form sentences, seen auras and just been made plain sick by these things.

I’ve tried different diets, and lately I’ve even started to try exercising but my biggest challenge has been the last few months. I’ve felt so tired and so drained during the migraines that when I woke up in the mornings my first objective was to see just how much more I could sleep.

Obviously I don’t blog about this a whole lot, because its just bad news with bad news with a side of complaint. But today something clicked. I’ve been praying for God to heal me or if that wasn’t in his will to show me what I could do to stop these things from running away with me.

Thank you for your prayers as well. God has been good today. During my break at work I did some looking up of migraines on the net and I believe God is helping me put the pieces together.

I found that milk can cause migraines. And during any elimination diet, milk, cheese, and ice cream are all something that I’ve never given up. So I did a search on “too much milk” and found that too much can lower your iron count. Well the last few times I’ve given blood they’ve told me my iron count was low. Lack of iron can make you sleepy which I was practically all the time.

And I’m practically a milk-aholic. After all I grew up in the 80s and I listened to Mr. T. Apparently there is such a thing as too much milk.

I’ve taken iron before but they usually make me feel worse not better, so I talked to my chiropractor Dr Wolfswinkel about it and he had a whole food product that increases your iron count. Ferrofood. I took some tonight and I have to say wow what a difference. My headache is down to 2 or 3 from a 5. And I’ve been so awake tonight and full of energy.

I still have to give up dairy for a week or two to fully get it out of my system and then I can try different dairy products but minimally to make sure I don’t cause my headaches again.

I do know a few other things that can swing my headaches one way or the other and I’m hoping that I’ve finally nailed the major culprit. I’ve got to admit, for as much research as I’ve done there is always new stuff to learn.

This will be a bit rough. Like I said, I’m a milk-aholic. Dr. Wolfswinkel said that we usually crave the things that are the worst for us. Like smoking.

As Christian I think of sin like that. It always something we want to do while at same time poison to our soul.

Anyway, I’m just so excited and happy! I’ve actually thought that I may have to just put up with these migraines and headaches and now well if tonight is any indication, now I have a shot at eliminating these things.

God bless,
Daniel

PS. Just in case you’re wondering none of the doctors or nurses said anything about milk possibly being a problem with my iron or my headaches. The pieces just didn’t fit because it is very uncommon for adult males to have these particular problems.

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Jesus Music

When it comes to Music, I’ve always felt a bit alone. Except when it comes to soundtracks, most music I listen to, I’m hard pressed to find another who likes it too.

When I was growing up, to around 1989 when I was 12 I just listened to whatever Mom and Dad did and most of what they listened to was Contemporary Christian Music (CCM for short) or oldies.

At some point later that year I heard something I’d never really heard before called rap. I think this was on one of those satellite stations that my cousin got but I don’t remember. The sound set my ears and heart on fire and I had to listen to more.

Oskaloosa got radio stations like KBOE and oldies and then classical and then other 80s rock at that time … no rap there. Perhaps I could ask my parents for a rap cassette for Christmas.

I remember the look of shock on their faces. It looked like this :^O At that time they either didn’t know what rap was or all they could think of was all the cursing or the girly chasing that was done.

Not wanting to disappoint me they found a CD that year by a brand new group called dc Talk who also was a Christian group which meant I was safe from any cursing or “girly chasing”

I liked it. It had a bit of grunge rock/rap thing going on with a bunch of stuff mixed in that shouldn’t work but did. I also started checking out other Christian artists like Petra, Degarmo & Key, White Heart, and some of the calmer stuff like Ray Boltz and Dallas Holm.

Who are those guys?

Exactly. Most of the people in my class really didn’t know them. I liked them a lot. Still do. When I wanted to talk music I had to find the nearest Vennard Student who either liked the same stuff or at least knew who I was talking about.

When it comes down to it, I just never got into secular music that much. The closest I get to secular is a good movie sound track. I didn’t even really like Kiss’s “Rock and Roll and party everyday” song when I first heard it in gym class. Then I heard it like a hundred million times in gym class and would now rather smash a radio and pay someone for it than risk ever hearing that song again.

Another problem has always been that I’ve pretty much had to listen to demos in the store as best I could or take my chances in buying a cd because the radio station never played it.

But nonetheless I ended up with something of a unique taste in music. I miss Sam Goody being in Osky. I was starting to find some great international music there before they closed.

Wal-Mart doesn’t really carry bands like Angela, Hikaru Utada, 12 girls band, or Jackie Chan. Yes that’s a joke as far as I know he doesn’t sing professionally. It’s hard enough to buy this music let alone a radio station playing it.

KBOE is not about to break from country any time soon. Shame.

At some point Pella got a Christian radio station and I thought, finally I’ll have a station I can tune into to listen to the music that I like ….

Unless the Christian Rock band played any Worship song then KCWN probably doesn’t play it. We’re fortunate that they play Newsboys praise song with a rock edge to it. But if KCWN ever played anything that didn’t sound like it came straight from Easy Listening it’d be an act of God.

I mean couldn’t they play classic christian rock at least? Generally once music hits 15-20 yrs old it is considered safe even though it never changed. As Larry Norman once wrote, “Why should the Devil have all the good music?” He wrote this because there are some “Christians” who consider anything that might make your toe tap is from the devil, even if the song speaks of Jesus.

Today I still listen to some of the old stuff. I still like it and I probably always will. But I’ve also found a love for newer stuff and metal. Demon Hunter, FireFlight, Flyleaf, The Showdown, and others.

And though these bands sing lyrics that no Christian would be against KCWN will not play them.

If there are any stations playing this kind of music they’d better let me know in person cause I so don’t listen to music radio that much I’ll probably never find the station if it is out there.

If I do listen to radio I prefer talk. It’s usually politics or news and I love the debate and the exchange of ideas. I get angry and I get good laughs. Without the risk of listening to music I don’t really like.

There are few people I can listen to my music with and we both know and enjoy the songs. I’ve been told my music is too preachy, too old, lacking something and the list goes on.

The strange part is these artists have concerts and they are usually always full, so it’s not like they don’t have their fans around here, I just happen to not know many of them.

In the end I often feel I’m Musically alone. Yes this sometimes bums me out, cuz I really do like what I listen to and I’d like to share it with people and not just get complaints.

But that’s not why I’m writing this. Or even to start a music debate. I’m just pondering an idea. I mean what would happen if I ever got a radio station. What if I didn’t play CCM? What if I really did play “Jesus Rock & Roll”, man? or Jesus Metal? Jesus Blues? What if I formatted it so there was no mention of Southern Gospel? Unless they pay good money to pay for an ad about a concert or something?

I mean if I formatted it to play as Baz Luhrman once had a CD entitled “SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE” but it was of course geared towards Christians who want to rock out and dance and go nuts for God? I’d probably try to throw in some J-POP for you Otaku too!

Would you listen? Would you be curious? Would you say like me that it’s about time? Would you say that I’m crazy? … uhm don’t answer that one. ;^)

I once was a DJ on KIGC on Sunday. I did play anything and everything “Christian” I could get my hands on to play on the Sunday show. I even had some people call in for requests. Some of them asked me to play something normal… but then there were the others. The ones who liked the same thing that I did. I’m pretty sure I had 3 fans.

I’m so proud. I know it’s not a lot, but not everyone can claim to have 3 fans at some point in their lives. Ok I jest. I don’t know if I had fans or not, but the point is there is a hole in the area looking to be filled. People who actually do love Jesus and good music. And people who may not love Jesus but are looking for something good and different to listen to and then find that there is a God and He loves them.

My good friend pointed out, since his church is looking to build/buy a radio station that plays Christian music for old farts and farmers and they expect this to be a mission to reach non-Christians…. How exactly does playing music that no one but a Christian would want to listen to be a mission? Ok, you might reach the “Non-Christian” old farts and farmers, but that rules out a lot of people.

I’ve wondered before, but I wonder again what could we do if we got our hands on a Radio Station? Plug in some Jesus Music and Rock out?

Personally I think it’d be like pulling teeth. It’d hurt to start with, but once the bad teeth are out and the dental work is done, then maybe we could enjoy it.

I’ll leave you on this note. The Newsboys have a song that says to “SHINE! Make them wonder what you got. Make them wish that they were not, on the outside looking bored!”

Of course the song also mentions a transformation so great that vegetarians may BBQ hamsters… I’m pretty sure it’s a metaphor, and no hamsters were harmed in the making of the video.

Importing Blog

I’m currently importing my blog from Myspace to here.  So some of the links or references may not work or make sense.  I will try to go thru and update these as time allows, but only after the import is finished.  Unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be an easier way than copy and paste, but at least so far most of the links and pictures are working ok.

Thanks for your patience on this.

Rant about Wal-Mart and DVDs

I had to go to Wal-Mart. It’s hard to find things that I want there so I usually try to just avoid it. Also I’m just letting off a little steam with a buyer beware thing that I just realized while piecing this together.

I have to go back for one more thing tomorrow and then I think I can ignore Wal-Mart for a while after that.

I got the movie Speed Racer which I really liked as a gift. They had an offer that consisted of the message “Get a Digital Copy” on the sticker and in the case it had instructions. I thought that would be nice to get before the offer expires since they are taking the work out of making a mobile movie for me, then I found they wanted $1.99 for the digital copy. Not a big price, but I already own the DVD. Why would I pay another $2 for the same movie I already own? The answer is, “I don’t pay another $2″

So while I was at Wal-Mart I noticed another sticker on movies that “include a digital copy” are $5 more.

So what’s going on here? I mean the sticker makes it look like you’re getting an extra thing for free, but it looks like you are really paying extra for the same movie twice.

In case you’re wondering here’s what I think is fair pricing:

old movies 5-10 yrs at $9 or less
movies 2-5 yrs old at $10 or less
current movies $15 or less
$20 is pushing it unless they got good extras
Anything more than $20 better have some cool collectible or be a season of a tv series.
Full Screen Movies should have an automatic $5 deduction in cost unless they were originally made that way. (I don’t really want to spend full price for a movie that has the sides chopped off.)
Anything that includes a copy of the exact same movie in another form should not cost more.

I know I don’t get to pick the prices but I do get to pick what I spend money on. This is just what I think is fair and base my purchases on unless there is a rarity or collectibility thing involved with getting the DVD.

So when they pull this $25 for two copies of the same movie selling for $20 without the digital copy it smells bad.

They are already raising prices on movies and now they are trying to pull this crap on us.

I wonder if I could just buy the $5 digital version.

————

There is a possibility I missed something since I was a bit tired when I discovered this, so let me know. I just wanted to vent and warn of a possibly bum purchase.

*UPDATE*
It appears that the $25 DVD with Digital copy may be the Special Edition with extra content. The odd thing about this is I just did a quick check at WalMart.com and the movies were about $4-5 less on the site. Anyway the special edition contains 3 discs. 1 with extra content disc and the third disc with digital version of the movie and digital versions of some of the extra content.

Then it says the list price is $30, but they’re selling it for $21.86 so you get a deal. I’m guessing some of this is to make up for shipping cost, but I still think something is up with the price on these things.

Road Rage for Patience

I’ve purposely titled this backwards because this is how I feel. I prayed for patience about 1-2 years ago. I knew and still know that I too often want things to change now. So patience I thought was a good thing to pray for.

I have the weirdest travel to work stories from this time. I only live 5-10 minutes from work and it was during this time of prayer for patience that I began to experience an unusually high number of people running red lights, four way stops, or just plain cutting me off. This was happening no less than once per trip to work up to 3 times during a single trip and then no less than once on the way back home. I was downright mad and angry about how careless these drivers were.

Finally I took it to God and asked, “WHAT’S WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE!!!”

In my heart I heard, “You’re the one that was praying for patience.”

Then I laughed and realized how foolish I’d been. In my quest for patience I’d expected God to just make me patient. But if God does that then what kind of person am I? I’m like a robot awaiting programing. God instead was giving me a chance to practice patience.

I’m glad God is more patient than me, because some time later, I found myself praying once again in frustration, “Ok, God, I understand that I need patience but can I have a break from all these close calls with these vehicles?”

Then I heard in my heart, “You can if you stop praying for patience.”

Yes, I was still praying for patience but for some reason I thought that God would give me a break or change methods, but apparently this was one of those prayers that God was very willing to answer for me. And He knew just where to coach me. In a place I very much needed it. I will pray for patience again someday … maybe, but for now I need a break. Occasionally I still have those close calls, and they still serve as a reminder to be patient.

James 1:2-4 says this regarding my encounter:
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

So its like going to the gym. Working out is tough and grueling but it eventually helps you lose weight, look and feel better, and be healthier overall.

Lately I’ve been praying for “Unity” in the church. I wonder how will our unity be tested so that we may practice it. I’ve prayed that we would love one another and wonder will we love one another even when it appears that we ourselves are not loved.

I believe our perceptions may be played against us. When I prayed for patience and those cars tested mine, the people in the other cars showed no knowledge of doing wrong. As far as I know, they thought they were driving perfectly fine and never knew that I was insulted by them.

If our unity and love is tested the same way my patience was, there may be those that wrong me, and not know it. Will I love them even if they don’t show me love? Or maybe I’m the guy in the other car, cutting someone off and not knowing it. Will they love me if I fail to show them love?

Or maybe we both did fine, but took offense anyway. Will we give each other the benefit of the doubt?

When given the opportunity to practice loving our neighbor as ourselves will we take advantage to practice loving? Or will we simply complain, and say that it isn’t our fault, so don’t give us no blame.

I must urge all my brothers and sisters to love one another even in the face of adversity. We must love those most, who we perceive to love us least. Because those who have so little need it the most, and that I believe will allow us to shine the light of Christ and grow stronger in our Unity and our Love.

And who knows. Maybe we will find that we were the ones that needed their love all along. That they never stopped loving us despite our perceptions.

And if we’ve already fallen short, we have Christ’s forgiveness to lift us up and we should show them love now, before it’s too late.

No one said it was easy for a tiny seed to die and become something it never was before. A large tree. In this way I perceive our faith as a seed and when we are finished growing, our faith will be as a large tree. The growing, however, is not easy.

“We serve a gracious Master who knows how to overrule even our mistakes to His glory and our own advantage” – John Newton

Sexy ads annoy me.

Category: MySpace

The sexy singles ads on myspace are annoying me. Isn’t there anything else anyone could sell on this site?

I mean it was different when I had my status set to single, I expected the dating service ads to be in full swing. Since I’ve set my status to engaged I don’t want any singles ads and now the women in these ads are more then ever trying to draw my attention to them. Most of the ads try to get you to focus right on the breasts. Maybe the butt but mostly the breasts.

It’s obvious that’s what they want you to look at to think if you go to that site all the women may just open up their shirts to tease you a bit. It’s attractive, cheap, and a low blow against both sexes at the same time.

At least for the most part they’re not touting “love” when it is “lust” they are promoting, but dang it. Lust is a weakness of mine. I want to look, I don’t want to look. I hate the ads and I hate the lust that keeps trying to steal my eyes and heart.

Does this bug anyone else? When I set my status to married are they going to continue promoting me finding a mate?

Have we really sunk this low where we’ll settle for anything and anyone touting a bit of skin, when it is true love most of us are really longing for?

It’s the internet and it’s hard enough to keep a pure relationship. Instead of promoting infidelity couldn’t they look at my status as “Engaged” and be recommending movies like Fireproof, or books on staying with the one you marry? Oh heck forget selling relationships altogether and just sell video games, movies, books, anime, bicycles, cars, homes, manga or just about anything else.

Maybe if there are any Myspace programmers that come across this you could help me out here. But for now I’ll do my best to advert my eyes.

Oh be careful little eyes, what you see.

Engaged

Yes, That’s right, for those of you who didn’t know, I am engaged.

I met Amanda a long time ago, but we never really hung out until after meeting up at the Christmas Parade last year. Then we met up again at the New Years Party and then at that time we decided that we would only be friends.

But after only a week more of hanging out we knew there was more here than just a friendship.

Now this all came just after I collected my thoughts on dating and marriage so we had a discussion with her pastor on the issue when we got to talking one night, which led me and Amanda to have a discussion of our own. We knew then that we would like to be married, but I don’t know about her, but I wanted more time to fully wake up to this. So we told our families, and talked to my pastor, but never really made an official announcement.

Now about a month ago, we got to playing around with some dates and finally decided that God willing we’d like to be married May 2nd the first weekend in May while it was still spring next year. And from there she started telling people out of excitement. I was wanting to get her a ring first because to me it seems unofficial without it, but I didn’t want to stifle her excitement so I said go ahead.

I finally caught up cuz I’m slow with such things, so I wanted to tell as many people in real life before I blogged about it. And then I realized I can’t get the word out fast enough.

Well here it, is. We have the rings. My Grandparents’ wedding and engagement ring. This last Saturday we went to Fairfield to get them sized and fixed up for us. I was expecting to spend so much money so I saved, and then God blessed it and made it not cost near as much as I thought they would.

This weekend I should have the rings at which time we will according to my “C” type personality will be officially engaged.

Standing … you may get mad.

This is primarily for Christians. Read it if you want. Be interested to see what anyone thinks, but if you don’t like being ticked off then don’t read it. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Not to sound too up on myself here, but lately when I watch, read, or listen to the news I feel like I’m in the middle of a gap watching people take up sides.

Maybe its the current presidential race going on, or maybe its looking back thru history at the founder’s faith in God and recognizing our own evil that they wrote our Declaration and Constitution so carefully, up until the point they kick prayer out of school and hearing so many different people’s ideas of right and wrong until it is no longer about certain rights and wrongs but only relative right and wrong depending on the individual.

I stand looking and I wonder how long?

I’m a Christian. Christ rescued me a couple of years ago.

To me there’s Christianity and then there’s everything else. Jesus spoke the truth when he said, He’s the truth, the way and the life. and no one goes to the Father except by him. So according to him its by him or you don’t go. If you don’t believe what he said, then you either think he’s a liar or a lunatic. If you say he never existed, then remember I’m currently directing this to Christians.
If you are a Christian but don’t believe that Jesus existed, then well … that’s just weird.

I stand in the gap and wonder not about the non-Christians. I don’t expect them to behave or act a certain way. I don’t expect them to believe in Jesus, or that he told the truth. Heck I expect them to be mad at me or think I’m crazy for claiming to know “the truth” but yet another topic.

I stand in the gap as I see different Christians line up against each other.

Recently Charles Barkley … (although half the bloggers say its Barclay so I hope I picked the correct spelling) said that conservative Christians are fake Christians. He then gets on them (conservatives) for judging others. About how conservatives say abortion and gay marriage are wrong. He says they ought not to judge others.

I’m not going to rebuttal Sir Charles as that is also not my point.

My point is the different reactions of Christians. Or at least those that claim to be.

It’s at times like this I see myself with an over-sized sword. Swinging it around and ready to cut myself. But here goes:

I think Sir Charles brought up a point inadvertently of course, but a point nonetheless. That the church has actually done a terrible job in judging. Too often I hear people talk about others. How that man loves that man in a special way and how terrible it is and such a sin. Then they go home to live with their boyfriend or girlfriend they haven’t and may not marry.

The Bible doesn’t say that we shouldn’t judge anything. Matthew 7:1-6 says this:

1″Do not judge, or you too will be judged.2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

3″Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
6″Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.

Verses 1 and 2 are great by themselves. People like it because then you can’t tell them anything is wrong about anything, but if you add in verses 3-6 you see this is talking about not judging others on the same sin you yourself are guilty of.

I think when Catholic priests are found hurting children or when Fred Phelps and his cronies start hating gay people and hurting them, then the church needs to turn to its “own” and say, “Stop it”

Kick them out of their positions. Send them to jail and protect our kids and stop hating people from the pulpit without any mercy or compassion.

We spend too much time pointing at the sins that sinners commit and not enough time getting on our own for committing a much worse sin.

I think that we seem to get all caught up in trying to point out everyones dirty laundry and forget to wash our own.

Christians need balance and we need to get our own houses in check. But we seem to be all across the board. We have people who claim to be Christian who don’t read the Bible, don’t know what it says, don’t even believe it is God’s word to us. They believe that there is more than one way to heaven ??? despite what Jesus says ??? They believe good works will get them to heaven, that Jesus committed sins, that he didn’t even rise from the dead ??? despite Paul’s letters saying how important this is to make it worthwhile?? That Satan is not real but merely a symbol for evil. And they don’t believe the Holy Spirit is and living entity… And I’m sure the list goes on beyond this.

Mostly I think this is a lack of discipleship. A lack of understanding in the Word of God. Too many Christians don’t stand for anything because they don’t know what it really is they are trying to stand for.

Then we wonder why an unbelieving world finds us so unbelievable. We acknowledge Christ with our lips and then we deny him by our life-style.

So this is my stand

Jesus is God.
Jesus did not sin. – His sacrifice would’ve been pointless
He did die and then rise again. – without this our belief is pointless.
The Holy Spirit is real and really working in remnant that truly believe and accept Christ.
Good works will not get us into heaven. They are merely evidence of God’s work in our lives.
Satan is real and our real enemy.
Other people who believe differently than us are to be loved. Not hated. Not despised and not merely to be tolerated. Christ is reaching out to them in love, how can we not do the same?
There is sin. We need to judge it correctly and love those who commit it.
Sin inside the Church is bad if not worse than sin outside the church.
I am a sinner saved by grace. Forgiven and Free.
I still battle temptation. I still sin. Not like I used to. But there is grace and love for even me.

Don’t take my word as rock solid here. I’m just a man. If you want to check me out then check out the book you claim to believe. If I’m wrong then point it out. I don’t mind being corrected when it puts me on the right path. I will however judge your correction with my knowledge of the Word to be sure.

Alright I’ve swung my over-sized sword and just poked at a bunch of different points without arguing them in order to focus on my main argument. If you want to message or comment me to explain my position, I’ll do my best to answer. If you are a Christian and disagree with me go ahead.

If I get too many messages regarding similar questions I’ll post another blog to cover it. If I made a mistake above then I’ll correct it later. Its late and I’m tired. Time for bed.

It’s time … (my Testimony)

It’s time for me to post what most Christians would call my “testimony” It’s basically the story of how I came to know Jesus.

I’ve hinted at it on and off of my blogs, but up until now I haven’t given the whole thing in one fell swoop.

I wrote it down part of it a couple of months after the events because I didn’t want to forget anything. I wrote the other part sometime this year. I know I still didn’t get all of it in there,l while I was writing it. And some of it is personal and doesn’t need to be online anyway.

This is about the second time in my life that Jesus saved me:

The death and Rebirth of Daniel

God still works. A lot of people can try to deny it. A lot of people may not see it, but it is true.
I went out with a girl in 1997-1998 my last year of college. God had told me that she wasn’t the one.

But I was stubborn so stubborn I convinced myself that she was who God wanted for me. In 1998 I graduated and moved to Davenport for my first full time job. My church attendance began wavering and eventually, it was more rare to see me in than out. Some of this was due to work and traveling between Osky and Davenport on the weekends. In Feb. 1999 I got a job with Musco back in Oskaloosa and I thought that this was great that me and my girlfriend could be close again.

In the summer of 2000, due to circumstances I finally opened my eyes and saw that God did not want us together. I reluctantly broke up with her. It was about that time I stopped going to church
altogether. I was angry. Ashamed. Heartbroken.

In 2002, I met up with another girl who I knew we weren’t meant to be, but it felt good to be with
someone again. She tried getting me back into church because she knew it was once important to me, but I also didn’t tell her that I didn’t mind missing as much. After all, I was still praying. Still calling myself a Christian. What kind of Christian would claim he didn’t want to go to church?
In 2004 I broke up with her because my previous girlfriend had called me. I didn’t want to go out with her again, but the string of emotions I felt brought me under conviction to break up with girlfriend number 2.

I’ve kept them anonymous to protect their privacy. So I gave up another girlfriend for the sake of
conviction? A conviction that I was slowly drawing away from. This was the beginning of hell for me. My life consisted of work and going home. At home I’d watch cartoons, movies or video games. I was alone.

In August 2004 my basement flooded. My furnace needed replaced. My dryer broke. So now I was
poor and lonely. I spent 2005 paying off debts and barely keeping my bank account happy.
As of 2006 it had been at least since 2001 since I’d been to church regularly. At this time even my closest friends were kept at a distance. They knew about my money crunch but they didn’t know the internal battle that waged on the inside. I agonized over being alone, but it freaked me out to bring anyone in. If I told people how I really felt, would they laugh. Would they distance themselves farther than I’d kept them? I had lost my one true love, or so I thought. I tried to love another and thought I did, but I couldn’t. Maybe I was now unable to love or be loved. Looking back this is very dangerous thinking. It leads to questioning and then doubting that God could even still love me. I was alone.

In February 2006, I believe it was then that God started to tell me to go back to church. Or was it then that I was only beginning to listen? My friend James got backstage passes to the Barlow Girl concert and invited me to go.

I said yes. A free concert is a free concert after all. When we got there I hadn’t realized it was one of those mega-churches. It looked more like a mall than a church, but still the strangeness of being inside a church after so long felt so odd. Would God strike me down for not being faithful? If he’d wanted to do that would he really wait until I was back in a church?

Two other things struck me while I was there. One we went backstage and had our pictures taken. One of the Barlow girls put her arm around me. Common I suppose in group photos to make sure everyone gets in, but how long had it been since anyone touched me? I mean I hugged my nephews when I’d seen them, and other family members … or did I even do that much? Human touch had been missing from my life for far too long.

The second thing was the song Rebecca St. James sang when we came back out from backstage. She said she wrote it for an old friend whose name was also Daniel. She said he had walked away from God, and this song would be the one thing she would tell him if she ever got the chance to see him again and could only tell him one thing and that was that he was loved.

Those girls will never know how much they moved my heart that night … Unless they ever read this, if you are, thank you for doing God’s work.

Still I was stubborn and didn’t listen to God to go back to church. Why couldn’t I just serve him on my own anyway?

Hebrews 10:25
“not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one
another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching. “

Nice Biblical answer… I was about to receive my own answer, much more personal to me. For now, I still had my pain. My regret. My doubts.

In May 2006, I got inspired to go back to church again. I’d been battling the inclination to go back for a while, but this time I was really determined to go. But then I got a weird neck cramp and I could barely move on Saturday. By Sunday it got worse so I missed church yet again.

Sunday evening I could barely breathe when I laid down to sleep. I called Mom and Dad and they took me to the ER at Osky Hospital. The doctor on call told me to see the chiropractor in the morning and gave me some pain killers and muscle relaxants. He said the pain was what was making it hard to breathe.

Three days of going to the chiropractor and I still wasn’t any better. And now I could barely move at all. The chiropractor said, “You should’ve been better by now. You don’t look like you feel well, and you look yellow.”

I hadn’t noticed my color before that but I was starting to feel sick. And I ached all over. Went to
Family Medical after that. Dr. Hirl cleared his schedule to take some time to look at me and sent me up to Iowa City Hospital.

Mom and Dad took me up there. I was there for a couple of days with hepatitis like symptoms. My color had almost gone back to normal by Thursday morning. Except for when Mom and Dad visited me I felt so alone. I had gone so quickly to the hospital that almost no one knew I was up there. The question I kept asking myself was would they come if they did know?

I was humiliated in the hospital. For one you have no privacy. You are barely clothed and they
wouldn’t let me eat so they could run tests on me. I was so tired. so weak. so alone.
It was during this time that God made it clear to me why I needed the church. It was the support they give you. Even if they couldn’t be there it would’ve been nice to know that more people were concerned and praying.

I felt such a loss. For so long I’d been turned away from God. But here in the hospital, I was at my lowest. Alone. Guilty of lust, pride, selfishness, lying(after all no one knew what I was going thru all this time). I didn’t want them to know. I realized I had wanted to wallow alone. How was this possibly something I wanted? I definitely didn’t want anyone else to know me. I was disgusting.

I knew that if something didn’t change I was dead. Was this what God was telling me? That if I didn’t change I was going to die like this? I realize now that he was speaking spiritually, but spiritually is what matters. What good is it to gain a whole world and lose your soul?

It was how I described my nakedness and shame in the hospital, my life was now an open book to the doctors after I’d fought so hard to keep people out. It was like that with God. He saw thru my barriers, my lie. He saw into my heart and even then he loved me. No lie had been greater than the time I had concluded that I was unloved and unable to love. Satan had lied to me. I was LOVED! Looking back at what I’ve written here I realize that this is the greatest missed truth by most people today. That their Maker knows them and loves them Greatly.
Then the only place left to look was up. I know now that God found me that night. Figuratively, or was it spiritually, when I looked up I found myself at the foot of the cross. Sometime during all that I gave it all up to God. No more holding back I finally accepted what he did for me. I traded him.

His righteousness, for my disgustingness.

The Hospital released me on that Friday. I was weak all weekend so Dad gave me a ride to church and I’ve been going since. Jesus had saved me. I wasn’t not going to go.

I found that I tested negative for anything serious like hepatitis. The doctors never found out what I had. A month and a half later, God directed me to help with the youth. That night was prayer night and I was going to only pray for the youth, but then I remembered all the pain, joy, and confusion of high school.

This made me feel more than just a feeling. I had been wrestling with the idea a couple of weeks but I was still getting used to hearing the master’s voice again and he was basically putting his hand on me and not letting me go till I agreed with him. I cried uncontrollably. I asked Pastor Dave if I could help.

He said, “God has his finger on you, and you’re asking me for permission?”
We both agreed that God is king and we should do what He says.
God used my illness as a way of getting me to go to church regularly. He used my attendance at church to make sure I died to myself and then he rose me back up again with a new mission.

Over the last year God has been opening up new insights. I’ve been firsthand witness of his mercy and love. I’ve seen lives saved and changed. God has showed me that it is not what I do that changes lives it is what he does in me. He is the one who saves. He is the way. I only loved him because he first loved me and that is how it is for everyone else.

No matter how much I rewrite this I just can’t seem to capture it all. Why have I written it down? Lest I forget. I always wish to remember what God has done for me. And if anyone else finds themselves reading this, maybe this will point them to the Saviour. One thing to note looking back is that everything that we have is on loan from God. God has shown me that just as we have a physical body that we must take care of it, that when we get a new spiritual life that we must feed our spirit. Thru reading his word, going to church, prayer, and fellowship. Wonderful fellowship. God has restored my fellowship with fellow believers. With him in my heart and my brothers and sisters in Christ I am no longer alone. Even my relationship with my family has greatly improved. We do more stuff together now.

So I see now that when I fell away I was starving the spirit man and feeding the old man. Just before the old man finished choking the life of my spirit man, God supplied me with a can of spiritual spinach and it was my choice to eat the stuff. When I did the spirit man clobbered the tar out of the old man.

So does God still talk to people today? I say yes. He’s talked to me. And he’s talked to every other Christian out there. To give your heart to God you must first be called by God.

John 6:44
No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day.

Revelation 3:20
Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.

This is the account of my new testimony.

A ragamuffin,
Daniel Job Birch

Love, Relationships, and Marriage

Be warned this is long, but there is bit of me in there somewhere.

I’ve been putting this one off for a while. So many people have so many ideas on love and marriage that it sort of makes me sick.

Sick in the dizzy sort of way, not in the I’m really angry sort of way.

If I ever had to name a weakness of mine it would be my “dating”

So why write now? 1. why not? 2. release. 3. to actually write down my feelings in an effort to formulate my own ideas in what seems to be shifting sand.

I’d pick number 3 if this was multiple choice, cause it would make me look/feel more mature, but all three are equally valid.

One thing that gets to me is people asking me, “So how long until you settle down and get married?”

This does two things to me. Anger and regret. I get angry at them for bringing up a sore subject. Of course I don’t blame them, they really don’t know. Angry at myself for not being married because I would kind of like to be. This brings up the regret feeling. I regret not being married because, I would love to know someone so well who knows me so well, that we can be ourselves around each other, and if there was a misunderstanding we could just talk it out, instead of assuming things and becoming angry with one another. I want to share my life with someone.

I’ve dated women that I’ve fallen head over heels for that couldn’t seem to either fall for me or kept getting distracted by other men. Then there’s the girls I’ve dated where it didn’t click for me but it did for them. Then there’s the girls who will never know my name, because I somehow was magically invisible to them.

I don’t see a point in dating anymore. If both people don’t fall for each other then it is fine. This is the only good scenario I’ve ever seen with dating and it is both ironic and stupid. Stupid because it only works when it doesn’t. (Ok i consent, that this has worked for some people, as it has ended up with marriage for them, but this is from my shoes)

If one person falls for the other but the other one doesn’t fall for them, it stinks for both. One feels abandoned in their feelings without the one they wanted to share them with, and the other feels like a jerk for not sharing the feelings, because they don’t want to hurt the one that falls for them, because having someone fall for you is rare enough in itself, but they can’t be untrue to their own feelings either.

I’ve decided on a few things. I want to become friends and only friends with more women. Preferably hang out in groups of friends so that we can get to know one another as friends with no pressure in having a special relationship.

This would allow me get to know women and them to get to know me and to have more friends at the same time, when I do meet the right one, we should both know because our friendship is extra special to each other.

Here’s my problem. Almost nobody I know thinks like this. I don’t hangout with clusters of friends anymore, most of them are married. I don’t know that many women that are single and just want to hang out. or at least hangout with me….

I also see so many people throw away their relationships or marriages so easily. Don’t get me wrong there are times to end a relationship or marriage like in abuse, adultery or constant lying. You don’t want to be in a spot that puts you or your children in danger.

What I’m talking about is when people end their marriage for “irreconcilable” differences or they simply don’t feel the same way about them anymore. I got news for you, if you base your marriage on feelings alone, then it is probably best you don’t get married. The relationship will end. The purpose for marriage as far as I can tell is to promise to be together no matter what.

I’ve been in a relationship where my feelings ran away with me. I loved her so much. I wanted to get married. Her not wanting to get married should’ve probably clued me in … ah but being in love is blind.

I think I’ve decided that being in love is different from actually loving someone. Actually loving someone is a lot of work and a lot of forgiveness.

Being in love, feels great, one of the best feelings I’ve ever had, but in the end it ends. One can’t thrive in that state of feeling forever. That’s not to say that those feelings don’t rekindle now and again, but I want to love someone and be loved by someone that I can be free and let her be free to be in love with each other.

I haven’t dated in 3 years. Until recently I thought finding the right girl and getting married and having 2.5 children would make me happy.

(Ah that being happy thing I’ve blogged about before)

What I’ve decided is that dating and marriage may be a foretaste of an overall happiness, but they can not make you permanently happy in and of themselves.

Basing a marriage on temporary feelings would have led me to a temporary marriage. This is against what I’ve always wanted. I’ve always wanted to stay married once I’m married. This is not a glutton for punishment type of thing, this is keeping my commitment to love and be loved to the one I make a promise to stay with thru better or worse. After all, why get married at all, if you really don’t plan to keep the commitment you will make when you do.

Ehh… a pain it is … I guess in the end I can’t speak on behalf of married, people, since I’ve never been married, so once again I’ll remind myself that these are things I’ve observed and can see from my shoes.

The other thing that gets to me sometimes is that some women don’t want to date me because we’re too different. I don’t really want to date someone like me, that would be boring. I want to date someone that will introduce me to new things and someone I can introduce to new things.

This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t have some things in common. I’d like her to know God, and share some things of interest because we can’t always be introducing each other to new things, and I’d like for each of us to enjoy some of the new things we are introducing each other too.

The reason I’ve come to appreciate the differences in a relationship, is that my best one was with someone who was always showing me new things.

My conclusion thus far is that I do believe there is someone out there for me. I believe that my inability to find this person is really that I haven’t met her yet, or that one of us isn’t ready yet.

The attempts of mine that I once counted as failed aren’t really failures because I didn’t end up with the wrong person.

If one of my relationships was so great that I wanted to get married even though she wasn’t the right one for me, then I can’t wait until I meet the one that is meant for me, because that must be even better.

Then I also believe that whatever my attempts, I will always fail. This sort of thing will require God’s timing. His intervention. As I said before that I believe that when I meet her, that both me and her will recognize our relationship as extra special. And that will be a God-thing.

And if I never marry?

Well then so be it. If I’m right, and my inability to find the right one is because none of the women I’ve met are the right one or one of us wasn’t ready, then marriage despite these reasons would only end up in unhappiness. Then it would have been better to remain single after all.

Besides, my happiness is no longer in whether I am dating/married or not. My happiness is based on hope of things to come.

*I’m not sure if that makes sense the way it is written, but it makes sense to me, so if I come up with a better way to say it I’ll edit this later.